How to Stop Judging, Find Peace & Get Closer to Enlightenment

Have you read a million books, seeking the secret to enlightenment…or just the secret to being happier? Many of these books say the same thing, just differently. You’ve read it a hundred times and you really do know the way. You have the car, you have the gasoline …you even have the key! So, what is in the way?

Let’s start with your expectations. If you think enlightenment is experiencing bliss while being surrounded by misery, then I believe we have different definitions. I’m sure that the enlightened spiritual leaders of our various spiritual paths do not intend to lead us towards indifference.

I see enlightenment more as: a) a true acceptance of what is, b) embraced in a compassionate heart, and c) in a sea of peace. It is not continuous bliss; it is not constant happiness. It is presence with peace.

So here’s some good news about attaining enlightenment, 1) it’s doable and 2) it just takes practice. There’s only ONE -- yes, just one thing we must do to attain it – and you already know this one thing.

Another piece of good news is that you do not have to be cured of all your neurosis in order to attain it. You see, there is no judgment in enlightenment.

Judgment is the darkness… it is the peace disrupter; it is the impatience, the anger, the stress, the illness, the hurt, the guilt, the anxiety, the depression, the jealousy, the envy, the revenge, the procrastination, and above all, the fear.

We judge ourselves, and judge ourselves for judging ourselves. We judge others and judge ourselves for judging others. We judge others for judging others and judge ourselves for judging others for judging others. We are immersed in conscious and unconscious judging. It is what keeps us from peace, and feeds a peaceless world.

We have been given the tools to heal ourselves, and I would like show you how to use them. It is not “poof - you’re enlightened”, the tools help you do the necessary work, and it is work. You will have to face your fears, your tears, your sneers – it’s the path you must walk. If you think meditating once in a while or attending a spiritual service once in a while will get you there, think again. It’s a minute by minute path – with an inner guide provided to keep you on the path.

Most of you have already heard that “believing is seeing” (rather than “seeing is believing”). For those of you who are not yet familiar with this concept I offer a brief explanation. You have thoughts – some of them you have faith in, which turns them into beliefs. Example: “The world is flat”, is a thought, but not a belief (hopefully!). Thoughts do not influence our lives like beliefs do. Our beliefs are reflected back to us, mainly because we expect that picture of reality – so we tend to fade out those things that do not match our beliefs. That’s why we tend to “see what we believe”. The difficult part of this phenomenon is that we may believe things that limit our ability to be healthy and happy. Then when someone comes along and tries to show us that what we are seeing is incorrect, we think they’re nuts, naive, insensitive, or just plain wrong. What’s real for us is created by the beliefs we live with. This is where the statement, “You create your own reality” comes from. Beliefs are not always easy to change, but they most certainly can be changed.

If you are a very unhappy person, you might want to employ the help of a therapist, someone trained to help you journey into your Self. Otherwise, without that support and some good tools, when painful things come up to consciousness the tendency is to run, deny, project, rationalize, depress, etc. etc..

As I said earlier, you own the car, you’ve bought the gas, you even have the key – you just don’t know how to turn the ignition on.

So, learning to find where the key goes and how to turn it, in your quest for happiness and enlightenment means learning how to not judge but, instead, see, understand and feel compassion … for yourself, and for others. Compassion means employing one’s ability to mentally understand and emotionally care. It’s the mind and the heart, in unison.

Seeing, understanding and feeling compassion for all the ways we humans err, fear, and scare ourselves and others is a very, very large task.. You may be wondering, if I do this work will it really bring me to enlightenment, peace and happiness. I can tell you that it will allow you to experience inner peace, it will show you your true happiness and it will lead you to enlightenment. If you want to meditate until bliss opens magically – that’s another way. It’s worked for some, I understand. I also know of people who've lived in ashrams for years and came out as confused as they went in. My guess, and it’s just a guess, (because I haven’t done a study) is that the people who achieved enlightenment were also applying the spiritual principles of turning judgment into compassionate understanding. So, there you have it…in a nutshell! Now let’s talk about the exact way one turns judgments (both conscious and unconscious) into compassion?

I want to start with a term I made up back in 1989 – “Wall Words”. Wall words are words that judge, label, and put up a wall to understanding and compassion. One example of a wall word is “stupid”, another is “lazy”, and another is “selfish”. Let’s use the word “stupid” to demonstrate what makes it a Wall Word. A person makes a mistake, you think they should have known the correct way, you think, “this person is stupid”. That label ends the understanding, and the compassion from happening. It could be that the person never had the ability or opportunity to learn what was required to do it correctly. Another possibility is that that person, due to a worry or upset was distracted from what they were doing, leading to the mistake. There may be other reasons. What’s important is that if you stop at the label of “stupid”, nothing is understood, nothing changes for the better, and feelings of failure, anger, guilt, and fear of rejection remain. Also, a wonderful opportunity for compassion and connection is lost. So each time you find yourself using words that block understanding and compassion towards your self or another, stop, seek to understand on a deeper level, add compassion – and notice that your connection to yourself or to the other person deepens and strengthens.

This is the practice. As you chip away from the darkness of judgment a new light is able to shine through -- illuminating a heart felt, connected, peaceful and joyful experience of life.