Energy begins with thought, whether that thought is conscious or unconscious. If the thought is not considered valid it will be dropped, but if it is considered valid it will move/expand into an emotion. If that emotion becomes strong enough, it will move/expand into an action. For example, if I design a chair and believe it would be a very comfortable and attractive chair, and I begin to desire it, become excited about having it, I will be moved to build it. If, instead, I doubt it's comfort and beauty I will not be excited about it and therefore not moved to build it. Here's another example, I am walking down the street and begin to think that I am being followed, and as long as I believe my thought is valid I would begin to feel fear - that fear will move me towards action, whether it be hailing a cab or going into a store. If I stop believing in that thought (maybe because I see the person I thought was following me go in another direction), the fear would dissipate and I would no longer feel a need to take action. Bottom line: thoughts that are believed to be valid lead to emotions, those emotions, if strong enough lead to action.
So, let's talk about love -- whether it is love for one's self, a son or a daughter, a parent, a relative, a friend, a significant other or even a pet. What is the action resulting from this emotion called love? What is loving behavior?
There are many nice gestures that can be made towards ourselves and others, such as being monitarily generous, that are not necessarily the result of the energy of love. Sometimes, even though a person may actually feel love, other feelings they have may supersede their ability to behave lovingly. This is evident with child abuse - many of these parents feel love for their children, but cannot behave lovingly because other emotions overide it. When that parent can resolve those other emotions and have more self-love they will become able to behave lovingly towards their child/ren. The more we know how to behave lovingly towards our self the better we are at behaving lovingly towards others.
So, let me share with you my thoughts on what behaviors are love based. I call these the four "food groups" of love:
1) Recognition: The willingness to truly see what is true and real. The opposite would be denial.
2) Compassionate Understanding: The willingness to understand, with empathy. The opposite would be judgment.
3) Acceptance: The willingness to truly accept. The opposite would be rejection.
4) Faith in...: The willingness to trust/believe in/support a persons potential. The opposite would be distrust.
Love is made up of these four behaviors, working in concert. The energy that flows from this is uplifting, powerful, strengthening and healing.
Do you offer this to your self? If you don't it is possible to learn to do so. Love (the emotion), in motion becomes love, the behavior. It will be your rock. Once you can offer this to yourself it will flow naturally and easily from you.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
THE TANGIBLE & THE INTANGIBLE, THE BRAIN & THE MIND
In mind/body medicine it's important to differentiate between the tangible brain and the intangible mind. Both the tangible and the intangible are energy, vibrating at a different rate, but both equally powerful....and each influencing the other.
Our brain/body chemistry influences our mind (the way we think and feel), and it is important to look at how to influence that chemistry to create balance so that our thoughts and feelings are calm.
The mind, the intangible energy we generally believe is housed in the brain (newer thinking is that it is housed within every cell in our body) is an energy that influences our brain/body chemistry. Just changing the tangible brain chemistry will only create a temporary change, as the intangible mind will re-influence it , and will go back to being out of balance.
Unresolved anger, hurt, shame, guilt and fear set off tangible biochemical reactions that suppress our immune system, raise our blood pressure and creates stress and fatigue that leads to opportunistic infections, cardiovascular failure, the degeneration of muscles and the random growth of unwanted cells, as well as anxiety, panic attacks and depression. When we face this pain rather than run from it we can come to peace, on both the tangible and intangible level.
As a psycho-spiritual psychotherapist I see everything as one - no separation. I see separation as the source of pain and illness. When a person is filled with unhappiness the base-line of that experience is their unhappiness with themselves. They are separated from the truth of who they are, they have separated from themselves. When this is resolved the symptoms (anxiety, depression, etc.) disappear. When the symptoms and their cause disappear their body can begin to heal.
If you or someone you know has symptoms that are mental, emotional or physical - they are experiencing signals that the mind/body is out of balance. Pharmaceuticals suppress symptoms - and though they might be necessary in some cases, many people who need to face the upsets that are at the bottom of their illness or unhappiness won't. For a cure I highly suggest that people take a non-pharmaceutical approach to healing, including micronutrients and psychotherapy.
Our brain/body chemistry influences our mind (the way we think and feel), and it is important to look at how to influence that chemistry to create balance so that our thoughts and feelings are calm.
The mind, the intangible energy we generally believe is housed in the brain (newer thinking is that it is housed within every cell in our body) is an energy that influences our brain/body chemistry. Just changing the tangible brain chemistry will only create a temporary change, as the intangible mind will re-influence it , and will go back to being out of balance.
Unresolved anger, hurt, shame, guilt and fear set off tangible biochemical reactions that suppress our immune system, raise our blood pressure and creates stress and fatigue that leads to opportunistic infections, cardiovascular failure, the degeneration of muscles and the random growth of unwanted cells, as well as anxiety, panic attacks and depression. When we face this pain rather than run from it we can come to peace, on both the tangible and intangible level.
As a psycho-spiritual psychotherapist I see everything as one - no separation. I see separation as the source of pain and illness. When a person is filled with unhappiness the base-line of that experience is their unhappiness with themselves. They are separated from the truth of who they are, they have separated from themselves. When this is resolved the symptoms (anxiety, depression, etc.) disappear. When the symptoms and their cause disappear their body can begin to heal.
If you or someone you know has symptoms that are mental, emotional or physical - they are experiencing signals that the mind/body is out of balance. Pharmaceuticals suppress symptoms - and though they might be necessary in some cases, many people who need to face the upsets that are at the bottom of their illness or unhappiness won't. For a cure I highly suggest that people take a non-pharmaceutical approach to healing, including micronutrients and psychotherapy.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
WHAT MAKES YOU...YOU.
You may have heard that certain mental illnesses, such as schizophrenia or bi-polar disorder (aka manic-depression) are caused by biochemical imbalances. Actually, when anyone is deficient in needed biochemical nutrients, that individual's moods and thinking process will be effected. I believe that is why so many Americans suffer from anxiety and depression.
There is a strong correlation between food and mood, primarily because foods are a very big part of influencing the biochemical soup within us. Being "out of balance" biochemically really means being undernourished in certain nutrients the human body and brain require.
But food isn't the only thing that effects our biochemistry.
It turns out that how we think and feel is a major contributor to our biochemical soup. Holding unresolved feelings of hurt, anger, fear, rage, etc. creates a chronic stress that drains our energy reserves, compromises our effectiveness and bathes our system with hormones that, over time, compromises our health and accelerates our aging process.
Here's the "kicker" -- our medical system is not doing anything to help us. Antidepressants and anti-anxiety pills merely mask the symptoms of our problem - our undernourished brain and body. The depression and anxiety is our body's call for help, for nutrients -- not for Prozac! We are not deficient in anti-depressants! Masking the pain means that we will not resolve what we need to resolve, and most likely continue to take these pills for years and years - maybe to find ourselves with an early case of Alzheimers. It's time to feed ourselves the nutrients we need. Not just the food and supplements, but the peace, self-love and self-respect needed for a relaxed and functioning mind and body.
Now, just let me add that I am not opposed to anti-depressants for a severe and disabling depression or an actively suicidal person, to keep them functioning until they get the real help they are needing and deserving. These pills can help, but need to be temporary. Take good care and be happy.
Carole
There is a strong correlation between food and mood, primarily because foods are a very big part of influencing the biochemical soup within us. Being "out of balance" biochemically really means being undernourished in certain nutrients the human body and brain require.
But food isn't the only thing that effects our biochemistry.
It turns out that how we think and feel is a major contributor to our biochemical soup. Holding unresolved feelings of hurt, anger, fear, rage, etc. creates a chronic stress that drains our energy reserves, compromises our effectiveness and bathes our system with hormones that, over time, compromises our health and accelerates our aging process.
Here's the "kicker" -- our medical system is not doing anything to help us. Antidepressants and anti-anxiety pills merely mask the symptoms of our problem - our undernourished brain and body. The depression and anxiety is our body's call for help, for nutrients -- not for Prozac! We are not deficient in anti-depressants! Masking the pain means that we will not resolve what we need to resolve, and most likely continue to take these pills for years and years - maybe to find ourselves with an early case of Alzheimers. It's time to feed ourselves the nutrients we need. Not just the food and supplements, but the peace, self-love and self-respect needed for a relaxed and functioning mind and body.
Now, just let me add that I am not opposed to anti-depressants for a severe and disabling depression or an actively suicidal person, to keep them functioning until they get the real help they are needing and deserving. These pills can help, but need to be temporary. Take good care and be happy.
Carole
Monday, September 21, 2009
Self-Sabatoge and Change
Welcome! This is my first blog….and I hope you will find it helpful… or at least thought provoking. I thought I’d start off with a discussion about the word “self-sabatoge” as it related to creating change. Self-sabatoge is a concept I do not believe in. Let me share why.
Yes, many of us find ourselves doing things that are not beneficial to us. Let’s put addictive substances aside for now and just focus on behaviors that don’t work out the best for us. Some of my clients have come in complaining that they “forget” to do things they’ve promised they would do that then makes other people angry with them, or they “forget” to do things for themselves that result in causing them extra work or losing out on something they want. Some are “always” late, some eat the “wrong” things or don’t eat when they need to. Of course, the list can go on. They come to therapy to learn how to “stop the self-sabatoge”. They are often upset and angry with themselves, sometimes confused or saddened by their behavior -- definitely wanting to change.
So, there a just a few important things to know about change:
1) All behavior is energy (just as all thoughts and all emotions are energy).
2) Change requires extra energy. When we are used to doing things one way, there’s a momentum. When we need to change the direction of that momentum -- go against
that momentum, a bit more effort is required.
3) “What you resist persists” Have you heard this expression before? Whatever we
focus on we actually give energy to. Resisting is a form of focusing on something,
and focusing on it will make it a stronger. Therefore, we have one of life’s paradoxes - what we don’t want and try to get rid of through resistance only guarantees that we will continue to have it. Don’t fret -- there’s an easy way ahead.
4) Acceptance! Now, you ask, “How do I accept something I want to get rid of?”
Energetically, if we are not focusing on that which we want to get rid of, because we
accept it, we can then begin to focus on the behavior we want to replace it with. But, if we are angry with ourselves it will be difficult to come to acceptance. So here is the most important and final step.
5) Find out why the behavior you want to get rid of is within you. No, it is not within you to create self-sabatoge. It has probably been a behavior that has been with you for a very long time, and one that started at a time and place in which it seemed that it was the best thing to do to take care of yourself (keep yourself safe from being emotionally or physically hurt). If you were very young it was probably the best thing your young self could come up with. Spend some time understanding that the intent of this behavior is self-love, and though it is not working for you, it is not there with the intent to work against you. You may never have learned the best behavior, and that will be your challenge now -- to find out how to go about learning how to behave. In some cases it may be very simple, for example, if you’re always late, figure out traveling time, dressing time, extra time for glitches and watch the clock. Other problems may be more complex and require guidance.
BUT - BEFORE YOU CAN BEGIN TO FOCUS ON THE NEW BEHAVIOR, YOU MUST DO THIS:
Thank yourself for the old behavior. Recognize it was there to help you, and let it go with love. Truly accepting it because it was the best and most loving thing you could offer yourself at that age and in that situation. LET IT GO WITH LOVE, and turn
your focus to the new behavior. With practice, the new behavior will begin to feel easy and natural.
If you stay angry with yourself because you think you ”should” have been able to do this year’s ago, understand that this isn’t taught anywhere, and that your “should” is unfair and unreaslistic -- be kinder, more understanding and compassionate towards yourself for not knowing what you needed to know to have a less stressful life and be pleased with yourself for doing it now.
Yes, many of us find ourselves doing things that are not beneficial to us. Let’s put addictive substances aside for now and just focus on behaviors that don’t work out the best for us. Some of my clients have come in complaining that they “forget” to do things they’ve promised they would do that then makes other people angry with them, or they “forget” to do things for themselves that result in causing them extra work or losing out on something they want. Some are “always” late, some eat the “wrong” things or don’t eat when they need to. Of course, the list can go on. They come to therapy to learn how to “stop the self-sabatoge”. They are often upset and angry with themselves, sometimes confused or saddened by their behavior -- definitely wanting to change.
So, there a just a few important things to know about change:
1) All behavior is energy (just as all thoughts and all emotions are energy).
2) Change requires extra energy. When we are used to doing things one way, there’s a momentum. When we need to change the direction of that momentum -- go against
that momentum, a bit more effort is required.
3) “What you resist persists” Have you heard this expression before? Whatever we
focus on we actually give energy to. Resisting is a form of focusing on something,
and focusing on it will make it a stronger. Therefore, we have one of life’s paradoxes - what we don’t want and try to get rid of through resistance only guarantees that we will continue to have it. Don’t fret -- there’s an easy way ahead.
4) Acceptance! Now, you ask, “How do I accept something I want to get rid of?”
Energetically, if we are not focusing on that which we want to get rid of, because we
accept it, we can then begin to focus on the behavior we want to replace it with. But, if we are angry with ourselves it will be difficult to come to acceptance. So here is the most important and final step.
5) Find out why the behavior you want to get rid of is within you. No, it is not within you to create self-sabatoge. It has probably been a behavior that has been with you for a very long time, and one that started at a time and place in which it seemed that it was the best thing to do to take care of yourself (keep yourself safe from being emotionally or physically hurt). If you were very young it was probably the best thing your young self could come up with. Spend some time understanding that the intent of this behavior is self-love, and though it is not working for you, it is not there with the intent to work against you. You may never have learned the best behavior, and that will be your challenge now -- to find out how to go about learning how to behave. In some cases it may be very simple, for example, if you’re always late, figure out traveling time, dressing time, extra time for glitches and watch the clock. Other problems may be more complex and require guidance.
BUT - BEFORE YOU CAN BEGIN TO FOCUS ON THE NEW BEHAVIOR, YOU MUST DO THIS:
Thank yourself for the old behavior. Recognize it was there to help you, and let it go with love. Truly accepting it because it was the best and most loving thing you could offer yourself at that age and in that situation. LET IT GO WITH LOVE, and turn
your focus to the new behavior. With practice, the new behavior will begin to feel easy and natural.
If you stay angry with yourself because you think you ”should” have been able to do this year’s ago, understand that this isn’t taught anywhere, and that your “should” is unfair and unreaslistic -- be kinder, more understanding and compassionate towards yourself for not knowing what you needed to know to have a less stressful life and be pleased with yourself for doing it now.
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